we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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