Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
