Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
