Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
