Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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