Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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