I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
