i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
