i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
