you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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