Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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