I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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