Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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