there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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