im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she pinky promised me she was 18
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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