I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
