The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize