I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
