Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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