i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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