i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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