Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize