Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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