That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
