I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
