community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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