I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
