If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
