Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
