shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
