Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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