I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
