Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
