well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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