I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
