Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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