update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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