One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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