All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
