My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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