I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
