you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
