Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
