4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
