I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
