I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I fill condoms, not promises.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
