I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
