Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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