508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need to stop coming to work sober
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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