I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
