I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the condom got lost in my hair
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
