When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
