I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
