Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
