If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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