you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
