I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
