Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
