never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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