At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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