She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
