She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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