when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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