how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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