the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
