youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize