I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
