what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize