he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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