decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
