Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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