i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
