It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
