just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
