I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
