whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
